HerbEly

Tax service

From WITandWISDOM(tm) ISSN 1538-8794
Wisdom, Inspiration, Humor and Trivia
Send an e-mail to: witandwisdom-subscribe@lists.tagnet.org
Archive at: http://witandwisdom.org/archive.htm

Weapons of Math Destruction

Our oldest son sent this today. If you know who wrote it, please let me know. I would like to give credit.

At O'hare airport today, an individual later discovered to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, the FBI spokesperson confirmed that U.S. intelligence reports suggest the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra group. They wish to charge him with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

The general public is to be reminded that "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult", "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y"and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

The Senility Prayer

The Senility Prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Don't know where this came from, but thanks to Adrienne.

Why Blog? Scott Adams' Answer

Remember, Scott Adams writes satire.

When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won't have time to think about other people.

People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a thought process much like this:
The world sure needs more of ME.
Maybe I'll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of knowing my thoughts.
No, wait, shouting looks too crazy.
I know - I'll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them.
If only there was a description for this process that doesn't involve the words egomaniac or unnecessary.
What? It's called a blog? I'm there!
The blogger's philosophy goes something like this:
Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.
The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn't need to be written anyhoo.

If that doesn't inspire you to read my blog, I don't know what will. You can find the Dilbert Blog at

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

None of these reasons could apply to me.

Sibling Rivalry: Senior's Version

This is from Scott Adams' Dilbert Newsletter

It's only natural to feel competitive with your siblings. I recall all of those Christmas mornings, as my brother and sister and I compared gifts to figure out which one of us was the least beloved. This was important information because we adjusted our levels of misbehavior to match the rewards. There's no point in being extra good if the presents are just okay.

Mealtime was competitive too. The winner was the one who moved the greatest percentage of my father's income through his or her digestive system. I was in my thirties before someone told me that eating is not a speed sport.

Now my siblings and I live in different parts of the country. Our competition hasn't diminished. It just changed to a new category: health calamities.

iNot making this up

Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants. One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection.

Credit to Leopold Stotch for a great headline Apple iBoobs.

No Parking - Seriously

Thanks to:Graphic Humor & Inspiration is sent as available each weekday.
This list includes items such as photographs, Internet Links,
forwarded e-mails, etc. – items for slower internet connections.
Graphics are provided by subscribers.
Send Graphics to: mailto:richardw@olypen.com?subject=GHI
Editor: Richard G Wimer

To Subscribe
Send an e-mail to: ghi-on@lists.tagnet.org

First Shoe-wearers were between 10K and 100K years ago

Our son, David, posted this fascinating link about how archeologists figured out when people started wearing shoes. It seems that going barefoot thickens the toes. By examining the foot bones of early modern humans and Neanderthals they were able to estimate the times when primitive peoples began to fashion shoes.

I am martial artist who does not wear shoes in class and the husband of a wife who is vulnerable to plantar fasciitis and must wear shoes all the time. An archeologist examining our feet might assume that she is more civilized than I.

Fairy Tales: Klingon Style

For Klingon versions of Fairy tales go here. Come to think of it, if the Klingons would like the original Grimm Brother's version just as written. Maybe the Grimm brothers were Klingons. Maybe Kathy Shaidle can add this to her growing list of alternate Da Vinci code plots.

Thanks, David .

Good and Bad Taste

Bob Costas demonstrates good taste and John Kerry demonstrates lack of taste.